Holiday Blues: How to Find ways to Cope This Holiday Season

Even though the holiday season is almost over, the transition into the new year can be very hard for some folks. This time of year can be very emotionally charged, to be honest. You feel yourself going through many highs and lows. Especially if you just went through any kind of loss- a death in the family, a breakup, getting fired. When you are told you should be celebrating life, new beginnings and love, you are grieving. And, you can’t just turn your emotions off.

So, what do you do? While I am not a trained professional, I’ve had my fair share of loss. And I’ve had to experience many firsts’ without loved ones. The main thing I’ve done is prioritize my alone time. Being around family can be draining this time of year. Usually, all they want to do is talk about the good times with your loved one. And while that can create happiness during a time of grieving, it can be emotionally overwhelming. And if you aren’t dealing with a physical loss, you should still put your wellbeing first. This season has the tendency to remind you of all the unfortunate changes that happened this year.

Make sure you grieve. Don’t take any shortcuts. Emotions are like a drain. You can’t just pull up one thing. Once you start unclogging it, everything comes up. Remember: no matter the loss, your feelings are valid. Whether the loss happened at the top of the year or two months ago, you are allowed to feel everything. Only after you have done this, you can spend time with people. But, use this time wisely because however you spend this time will have an effect on you overall. As Black women, we are socialized to be the strong one in the room. We are the designated shoulder to cry on, the nurturer. We deserve the love that people expect from us. So, spend time with people that make you feel good about yourself. Be selfish with your time. This is a vulnerable moment for you and if people aren’t making you feel better, then they don’t deserve your time.

This is your time to receive.

Isolation is okay, but there comes a time where you need to be around other people. You need to find that balance during this season.

Also, it is okay to feel angry. Moving on is the last step. Before you do that, you will have a range of emotions. Anger may be one of them- don’t skip this one.

I didn’t have the best relationship with my grandfather. And when he died, I remember being so angry. I was angry at the funeral, I was angry on his birthday, I was angry during Christmas.

How dare he leave without taking accountability? I was so upset that he never apologized to me. I felt bad about being upset with someone who died, but that didn’t make it any less real. At some point, I just stopped being angry. It’s been two years since he died and that anger has been replaced with appreciation. When I find his stuff around the house, I just laugh at how ridiculous that man was. Something I had to learn is that I don’t have to answer any questions I don’t want to. I don’t have to disclose any private information for this change to make sense to anyone. People can be in your business but they don’t have to know your business. I understand that with an ex or a job, it can be harder to find the good. It can seem like a loss that you won’t come back from. Just know, what is for you will come to you. The right people and opportunities will fit into your life. This loss doesn’t define your value. I say all of that to say this: there is no timeline to grief. Yes, the only way to heal is to be intentional. However, the only way to be intentional is to feel all of your feelings. Be patient with yourself. This won’t be a linear process. Some days you will feel good, other days, not so much. I’ll be the one to tell you if you don’t have anyone else to say it: you got this- it will all be okay.